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The Alchemist by ~OracleGlass:iconOracleGlass:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Mature Romance > Open




The Alchemist

A potion mixed of words,
conjouring up a mist
to softly wrap her shape.

Gleaming softly in dim light,
more words he sends across,
vibrating with promise:
“For you you you are beautiful!”
Applies sentences like reliable formulas,
watching as the brittle surface
of her self-trust starts to smooth.

Brushing off remains of gloomy days
that had covered her in beamless patina,
he sees his reflection in the shiny new skin,
eagerly searching for that last ingredient
that will give a spark and
light her eyes like a Bengal fire.
©2005-2010 ~OracleGlass
:iconoracleglass:

Author's Comments

This piece has come along way but with loads of support and feedback from fellow deviant wordsmiths I'm finally content with the outcome. :veryhappy:

Enjoy :)


pic used in the preview is a photo taken by Daniel West Boiling Water found at stockxchng.

Comments


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:icon6robyn9:
~6robyn9 Sep 10, 2005, 12:29:53 PM
Wow... I like how this actually has no straight reference to gold-making and instead seems to be something more spiritual, witch-crafty. I love some of the words used here, bengal, patina, they just give the poem a mystical air to it. And I loved the imagery of the first stanza... its good to see a beautiful witch. Or at least, I think she would be. Hmm... I guess this isn't an overly helpful or insightful comment, but I can't seem to do anything today, really. Anyway, I enjoyed it.

--
"A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing but say your mother."
:iconsquirellmeister:
~Squirellmeister Sep 10, 2005, 1:18:49 PM
The comparison of Alchemy to love was a brilliant and for the most part innovative idea. I love this poem as its very universal yet is written with a high level of thought and understanding.

--
:iconburn-p0etry:
:iconzeldaconnetion:
~zeldaconnetion Sep 17, 2005, 4:00:42 AM
wonderful poem i liked it very much

--
Sincerely,
Saeiane,
Mephistopheles D. Grimm,
D. H. The Second.
:iconanarchypress:
*anarchypress Sep 27, 2005, 3:10:02 PM
Clever and original. I'll have to check out your gallery, Ella.

Nits: An extra space after "Gleaming." "Bengal" should be capitalized. Also, there shouldn't be a comma after "days." I also recommend inserting a comma after "across" for consistency, although the enjambment serves.

~M

--
[link]
:iconzellyn-skyy:
~Zellyn-Skyy Sep 27, 2005, 6:19:27 PM
quite a cute charming lil piece... the idea of making the perfect girl... like wierd science crammed into an archaic poem, nice... could use a bit more imagery if you plan on going through it once more... but it is a nice piece as i stands..

--
"I'm never alone... I'm alone all the time" -Glycerine by Bush

"I drink away the part of the day that I cannot sleep away..." Modest Mouse

"You're nobody,until somebody loves you"
-Frank Sinatra

"Not all who wander are lost..."
- J.R.R. Tolkie
:iconoracleglass:
~OracleGlass Sep 27, 2005, 8:28:02 PM
Thank you very much for pointing that out..fixed it :) .and feel free to roam about lol.

--
The night he moved out was terrible/That evening she went through hell/ His absence wasn't the problem/But the corkscrew had gone as well.

-The Loss by Wendy Cope-
:iconanarchypress:
*anarchypress Sep 27, 2005, 10:54:56 PM
You're welcome...and I will!

~M

--
[link]
:iconkhebnami:
~Khebnami Sep 28, 2005, 8:30:44 AM
I'd really like to make a really long and appreciative comment, but I just can't bring myself to. Well depicted, though, and quite unique really. I can see this in my mind's eye; but I can't figure out if he's creating her or healing her. Well, either way, this is... good :)

--
______________________________ _____
For pictures: ~khebnamine-sajinjip
For prose: ~Khebnami
For drawings: ~Keriyosia
For other art: ~keriyosia-seorapjang
--------------------------------------------------

I am the only being whose
:iconamon-rukh:
~Amon-Rukh Sep 28, 2005, 9:59:56 AM
I like this, though I'm not quite sure what's happening... At first it seems like he's talking to a real woman (which brings up an interesting comparison between psychology and alchemy...), then it seems like he's creating some sort of automata. It's interesting to say the least. I'll have to think about it some more, though at the moment I'm having a hard time getting a certain similarity to ETA Hoffmann's story "The Sandman" out of my head.

--
Everything I ever needed to know I learned by killing smart people and eating their brains.
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June 21, 2005
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